ad kelly has lost control

[OnTheBus]

Quote

TAMPA, FL – In a move that has shocked the college football world, USF Vice President of Athletics Michael Kelly today announced the hiring of the SunDolls as the new head coach for the USF Bulls football program.

The SunDolls, who are best known for their halftime performances at USF football games, have been tapped to take the reins of the Bulls’ struggling program after Kelly was unable to find a qualified coach to accept the job.

“I’m fed up with this bullsh*t,” said Kelly in a press conference announcing the hire. “We’ve tried and tried to get a qualified coach to take this job and nobody wants it. So, we’re going with the SunDolls. They know this program and I’m sure they’ll be able to bring the fire and enthusiasm that we need to get this program back on track.”

The SunDolls, who have a long history of energizing the USF crowd, will now look to do the same on the field as they take over the program.

“We’re ready to take on this challenge and make USF football great again,” said a member of the SunDolls in a statement. “We’ve seen the program struggle in recent years, but we believe in our abilities and know that we can turn this program around.”

The SunDolls will begin their tenure as USF’s head coach immediately, and Kelly is confident that this move will pay off for the Bulls in the long run.

“I’m confident that the SunDolls are the right choice for this job and I’m confident that they will do great things for USF football,” said Kelly. “It’s time to get this program back on track and the SunDolls are the perfect coaches to do just that.”

AI is something else, folks

Edited December 3, 2022 by OnTheBus

[tau.reanb]

4 hours ago, hm101 said:

Couldn't have said it better myself. 

I'm with you. The mania over hiring Deion is comical and just embarrassing. 

[Outlaw]

15 minutes ago, Brad said:

Yeah, what scares me more than dancing with Deion is the reaction hire we make as a result of losing out on DS.  Deion was considered the "mega-ultimate splash hire" we needed.  He says "No" and now we go hire a virtual unknown and tell everyone it's a splash hire?  Or we pretend we don't need a splash hire?  At risk of public scorn, the answer isn't a guy from Carolina or the TV studio.  The answer in transitioning to greatness is right there in the Bay area.  The only other possible "splash" was JL, as spoken by many here.  I'd come out and announce right now.  MK will either re-awaken the fanbase or euthanize it within the next 48 hours.   Too dramatic? 

Jim Leavitt seems to be the most qualified guy that still wants the job.  If he keeps Trickett at Oc, Del Prado at ST, then hires a new DC and S&C coach we could be cooking with actual fire instead of hot air we have seen the last several years.

Edited December 3, 2022 by Outlaw

[Brad]

4 minutes ago, OnTheBus said:

AI is something else, folks

AI or Mad Libs?

[OnTheBus]

Just now, Brad said:

AI or Mad Libs?

It's AI, it's legit. The prompt I gave was "Write a profane press release where USF VP of Athletics Michael Kelly announces he's making the SunDolls the new football coach, because no one wanted the job" and that one above was maybe the fourth one I had it generate.

If anyone has an absurd USF idea they want to see as a news article or press release, lmk

[Brad]

Just now, OnTheBus said:

If anyone has an absurd USF idea they want to see as a news article or press release, lmk

USF wins two football games in 2023

[Sellular1]

8 minutes ago, Brad said:

USF wins two football games in 2023

Jeez, take it easy Brad… do you want to break the AI?

[Outlaw]

9 minutes ago, Brad said:

USF wins two football games in 2023

Two wins would be 100% improvement. Sad but true.

[OnTheBus]

23 minutes ago, Brad said:

USF wins two football games in 2023

Quote

 

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

USF Football Breaks Records with Two Wins in 2023

TAMPA, FL – The University of South Florida Bulls football team is proud to announce that they have achieved two wins in the 2023 season. This marks the first time in school history that the Bulls have secured two wins in the same season.

Led by head coach Bobby Bowden, the Bulls have been working hard in the off-season to build a team that is capable of achieving success. After making several key additions to the roster and making adjustments to the training program, the Bulls have been able to secure two wins this season.

The Bulls have been able to show their resilience and determination in the face of adversity, coming back from two close losses to secure two wins in the 2023 season. With the return of quarterback Quinton Flowers and the emergence of young talent on the roster, the Bulls are confident they can build on this success and have a successful season ahead.

The Bulls look to carry this momentum into the next season and build on this success. With the right mix of talent and coaching, the Bulls are confident they can continue to reach new heights and take the program to the next level.

###

Real alternate universe flavor here. I generated about 20 of these, hoping for one that could seem realistic. There was a lot more absurd stuff. Each result unique though. Went with this one because it's got Q.

 

EDIT: And as a follow up to Kelly hiring the Sun Dolls, here's one year later:

 

Quote

 

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Michael Kelly Dismisses SunDolls Dance Team as USF Football Coach

Tampa, Florida – Michael Kelly has announced his decision to dismiss the SunDolls dance team as the USF football coach after a 0-12 season. Kelly acknowledged that the decision to bring in the SunDolls, a dance team with no prior football coaching experience, was a mistake.

“We made a bold decision to bring in the SunDolls to lead our football program, and unfortunately, we did not see the results we were hoping for,” Kelly said. “I take full responsibility for this decision and I want to apologize to the USF community and our football team for not delivering the success we all expected.”

Kelly has appointed a new football coach, who will be announced at a later date, and is confident that the new coach will be able to lead the team to a successful season. “We are confident that we have found a coach that can help our team reach its goals,” Kelly said.

The SunDolls will no longer be involved with the USF football program, and Kelly thanked them for their dedication and hard work. “The SunDolls have been dedicated and passionate members of the USF team, and we thank them for their efforts,” Kelly said.

Kelly stated that he is looking forward to a successful season with the new coach, and that the USF football team is committed to providing the best experience for its players, staff, and fans.

###

 

Edited December 3, 2022 by OnTheBus

[Brad]

53 minutes ago, OnTheBus said:

Quote

 

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Michael Kelly Dismisses SunDolls Dance Team as USF Football Coach

Tampa, Florida – Michael Kelly has announced his decision to dismiss the SunDolls dance team as the USF football coach after a 0-12 season. Kelly acknowledged that the decision to bring in the SunDolls, a dance team with no prior football coaching experience, was a mistake.

“We made a bold decision to bring in the SunDolls to lead our football program, and unfortunately, we did not see the results we were hoping for,” Kelly said. “I take full responsibility for this decision and I want to apologize to the USF community and our football team for not delivering the success we all expected.”

Kelly has appointed a new football coach, who will be announced at a later date, and is confident that the new coach will be able to lead the team to a successful season. “We are confident that we have found a coach that can help our team reach its goals,” Kelly said.

The SunDolls will no longer be involved with the USF football program, and Kelly thanked them for their dedication and hard work. “The SunDolls have been dedicated and passionate members of the USF team, and we thank them for their efforts,” Kelly said.

Kelly stated that he is looking forward to a successful season with the new coach, and that the USF football team is committed to providing the best experience for its players, staff, and fans.

###

 

This one hits too close to home.