TyBull Posted July 15, 2010 Group: Member Topic Count: 0 Content Count: 6,928 Reputation: 127 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/01/2002 Share Posted July 15, 2010 PRICELESS. The following questions were set in last year's GSE examination These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.Q. Name the four seasonsA. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegarQ. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drinkA. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists Q. How is dew formedA. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspireQ. What causes the tides in the oceansA. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fightQ. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist onA. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowedQ. In a democratic society, how important are electionsA. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an electionQ. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)Q.. What happens to your body as you ageA. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinentalQ. What happens to a boy when he reaches pubertyA. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettesA. Premature deathQ. How can you delay milk turning sourA. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (wtf!) Q. What is the fibula?A. A small lieQ. What does 'varicose' mean?A. NearbyQ. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'A. The caesarean section is a district in RomeQ. What is a seizure?A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellasQ. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaningA. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant) Q. What is a turbine?A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SRQ Posted July 15, 2010 Group: Member Topic Count: 0 Content Count: 4,879 Reputation: 24 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/14/2006 Share Posted July 15, 2010 Thanks! I came to the trough looking for clean material to use in my 'Jokemaster' duties at my Toastmasters club. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajusf16 Posted July 16, 2010 Group: Member Topic Count: 0 Content Count: 2,558 Reputation: 86 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/30/2009 Share Posted July 16, 2010 literally crying, wownot sure if tears are from lauging so hard or from being scared of our futurreI forget where the sun joins the fight? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outrunner Posted July 16, 2010 Group: Member Topic Count: 0 Content Count: 7,796 Reputation: 160 Days Won: 6 Joined: 06/08/2006 Share Posted July 16, 2010 Some of those kids might have futures as lawyers. "When you are sick at the airport." and "Keep it in the cow." Not what the test is looking for, but I would give them a point for logic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
usfbulls2004 Posted July 17, 2010 Group: Member Topic Count: 0 Content Count: 2,118 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/21/2004 Share Posted July 17, 2010 the children are our future. ****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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