Need Opinion of "Weirdness" Factor...

[BigShoop]

Me? I think you have a point...

My question is, how did you express your point to your wife? Maybe it was less of what your opinion is and more of how you presented it....just a thought.

[mikebeau]

I have a nice portrait of my son hung in my living room (done for free by an artist friend of his) and I can assure you that he got it upside the head whenever he crossed the line.  My love for him expressed in exhibiting his portrait has nothing to do with what I will allow him to do in my presence.  There are a few on this site that know what I am going through with him now and they can tell you I am no pushover (he is now 21).

When you look up at the portrait of your child, remember, he is looking down at you.

[Grateful Dad]

No offense, Grateful Dad, but I think you may be a little biased because you are in a similar situation.  I mean, it doesn't seem weird to you because you have done it.  I was kind of wanting an outside opinion or two.  The fact that you were so adamant and stern in your response shows that I may have struck a chord, but that was not my intention.  I apologize if I did, and thanks for your candid response.

And yes, I did mention the kid's snot-nosed behavior to my wife, but nothing much came of it.  It really isn't my place to tell someone of another (non-blood) family how to control their kids.

No offense taken, cram, and I didn't mean to come across sternly.

I don't know that it struck a chord with me...could be...but I see it as being able to love the child enough to hang the portrait and yet not allow undesireable behaviors.  Oh, I know what you mean about the chord now -- the thing I am going through.  Actually, he is grown and out of state.  He got in trouble and while I definately told him the way it is, and that he will have to get himself out of it without coming home for a safety net, the portrait remains with the same love with which it was hung.

No problem.  I have, on more than one occasion, been accused of living in "Chuck World"!  It really is nicer there... ;D

[crambone]

My question is, how did you express your point to your wife? Maybe it was less of what your opinion is and more of how you presented it....just a thought.

That's the problem - my wife is REALLY close to her sister.  No matter how I approached this subject, it was going to be a big deal.  That's why I came here to see if maybe I did say something wrong.  To my knowledge, I thought I was polite in asking about this situation.  However, I probably got frustrated when I didn't get the answer I want.  That may have pushed her over the edge.

Grateful Dad - no worries, broham!  However, you did put it in another perspective, so thanks for that.

When you look up at the portrait of your child, remember, he is looking down at you.

This is pretty much what I was thinking in my head.  I just couldn't express it.  Thanks for putting it succinctly!

[postmortem]

Growing up my parents would always keep our most recent school picture on the wall but that is so much different than an oil painting.

My parents got divorced and both remarried. My father is 51 now and he has a 4 year old daughter with a 30-something year old woman. Anyway... their daughter has had major issues being spoiled, will only eat fast foods, displays bad behavior because she is the center of their life. Their house looks like a shrine to her. It would seem there is a picture of her on every wall in the house. It's weird.

[JerseyBull06]

shoop had a good point that how you brought it up make's a big difference.

Also, remember not only was it your wife's sister, it's also your wife's nephew. I'm not sure how close her family is but If she is close she may be more inclined to jump on the defensive for both of them.  Sounds like you may have struck a nerve with your wife because it was about her family. I think every family is different as to what they will and won't say about other family members, especially if they see it as something negative.

Now for what you really asked for:

The idea of the oil painting does seem a little extreme. To me it's not that it is an oil painting...I think they are great and that paintintgs can look better in a room then large photos. I think it's the prominence with which it's placed. If it was an oil painting of the whole family (the 3 of them) I don't think it'd be as "wierd", just the way you describe it and all it sounds more like a "shrine" then just a nice portrait. - though I think that allowing him to act up is the bigger issue. The two probably are related though.

[crambone]

To me it's not that it is an oil painting...I think they are great and that paintintgs can look better in a room then large photos. I think it's the prominence with which it's placed. If it was an oil painting of the whole family (the 3 of them) I don't think it'd be as "wierd", just the way you describe it and all it sounds more like a "shrine" then just a nice portrait. - though I think that allowing him to act up is the bigger issue. The two probably are related though.

Wow.  You seemed to have summed up my feelings quite perfectly.  Nice.

And to answer your other point, my wife is extremely close with her sister.  Don't get me wrong - I didin't go Tom Cruise on her and start talking out of my butt, but I know that I stuck a nerve.

Thanks.