Leavitt on Woody George Situation

[nukebull]

This sums up how bad the problem is and has been.From 2002

USF Parking Enforcement To Act On 'Likely' Infractions

© 2002 David Pinero, Tampa Kaboom Staff Writer

Students and staff at the University of Southern Floridians (USF) in Tampa are living under revolutionary new parking rules designed to increase parking coffers and encourage the use of mass transit.

"The new rules are consistent with contemporary ideas on justice and the distribution of vehicular loads utilizing local maximum storage capacities," explained campus Parking Director Eric Pinkerton. "If we have probable impression that you're illegally parked or in violation of any USF parking ordinance or Florida State driving law, we'll nail you. It's as simple as that."

The new rules mean, for instance, that USF parking enforcement officers must no longer justify citations based on the physical parking state of each vehicle to render a determination of its status as "legally" or "illegally" parked. Short-cut procedures such as popular majority belief and credible assumption based on sheer likelihood can now be used in place of costly direct observation and careful compliance with written procedures and warnings.

Across the USF campus, students and faculty cheered the policy change, certain that most of them would never be misconstrued as someone likely to have run a stop sign or exceeded the speed limit themselves. The USF student body government, considered a completely accurate and genuine reflection of the feelings of most students at the university, resoundly endorsed the changes in a vote of confidence which was quickly picked up and relayed by local media.

Even some genuine scofflaws had positive things to note about the new protocols such as Merril Freedman who was tapped on the shoulder Tuesday by a USF parking enforcement officer in the student center, and squarely handed a ticket. Freedman explained with a chuckle "The cop noticed me walking off a primo section of Lot 6B without breaking a sweat in 90 degree weather. He was certain I must have taken a handicap spot, and you know what, I had! Not that day, as he speculated, but a few weeks earlier when I was running late for class. Boy, I may not be happy about my fine, but I'll give credit where credit is due. I'll never park in a handicap spot again if it raises the chance I won't be figured as someone who might." said Freedman. "I've turned over a new leaf. From now on you can call me 'Mr. Probably Straight as a Freaking Arrow'."

USF administrators have lauded the new approach as a sure-fire way to resolve a perpetual, and expensive, parking crisis at the university which is attended or patronized by more than 30,000 individuals at any given hour. "To patrol our lots and roadways was exacting a tremendous burden on our resources," Pinkerton said. Putting it in historical and philosophical context, Pinkerton observed "When our forefathers penned that great Bill of Rights, you can bet they never dreamed it would be inconvenient to support such that it has in these times of the omnipresent motor car dependence. Absolute motor car dependence is the new threat to parking enforcement and we all just need to wake up and acknowledge it. It's a different world."

Not that the changes won't themselves incur some capital cost, Pinkerton cautions. "We've had to make positions for 2 astrologers, 1 tarot card reader, and a certified voodoo medicine man from Yoruba Africa. That's because, to police in modern times, you have to update your professional staff and technology - there's just no way around it." Pinkerton said. "Judges don't like cases built on weak foundations so you need the most qualified staffing to make sure your cases stick and stick hard. That, or watch some first-year pre-law student judge throw all your hard work right out the window in student-run traffic court."

The new parking enforcement strategy isn't without its share of controversy, or mysteries, however. Rolling his eyes, Pinkerton explained, "You know who the biggest gripers are about this. Who are they EVER?" he asked, answering himself by painting a large but invisible 'L' in front of him with his pointing finger. "My little citation book predicts a lot of pinkos at this campus are illegally parked," he laughed, tapping hard on it with his palm.

USF student Susan Wienstromi, who considers herself an ideological moderate, sharply disagrees with the daring policy and his assessment of objectors. Charged with leaving the scene of an accident that left several students injured as she presumably sported through campus in a 2002 Red Mustang on Monday, a charge many times more serious than a parking infraction, Wienstromi remains baffled. Mumbling as she held a USF-issued warrant for her arrest in her mouth, Wienstromi explained that she has been without arms, legs, or sight for 19 years due to a ravaging series of birth defects. "I've dreamed of driving every single day of my life for as long as I can recall," Wienstromi said, "But the sheer complexity of my situation, not to mention cost, have made that an impossible dream. Neither myself nor my 24-hour care taker can recall leaving the confines of my specially constructed home care medical room and tooling around the USF campus in a red Mustang Monday or EVER."

But Pinkerton waves off the standing question mark. "We have a very active investigation against Ms. Wienstromi as we speak, which of course proves, according to the new standards of our policies, Wienstromi is guilty. It's possible she was dreaming - and she's already admitted that she dreams - of running down students on our campus which would more than qualify our request for a damning prison sentence or at the very least her immediate expulsion from USF's online courses which she evidently participates in. God only knows what future act we're preventing by following our solid hunch on this. If our anonymous informant who witnessed the rumor of Susan Wienstromi's involvement being passed between two other students proves bad, that's just the cost of ensuring a positive tranquil environment conducive to the parking process. And that's what these new standards are all about - nothing less, and certainly nothing more."

http://www.davidpinero.com/tampakaboom/usfpark.htm