Self Quiz

[Jihme]

'Am I Gay?'      Male Self Examination Quiz

   

    1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are

    gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and

    have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing

    the Oprah Diet.

   

    2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,

    but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has

    a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.

    And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your

    ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun,

    come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

   

    3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such

    nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord A straight man only sucks

    on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs

    feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.

   

    4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a

    parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world

    is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

   

    5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee you're light in your loafers. A straight

    man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a

    Decaf Soy Latte t o your lips, you've had a man there, too.

   

    6.  If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or

    four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as

    well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space

    in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or

    you know what a 'fressier' is, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of

    textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious

   

    7.  If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying

    to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to

    honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs

    that hand to change the radio station, eat a hambu rger, or hold his beer.