Bran muffins

[cygnus34]

Subject:  Bran Muffins

Forget the Bran Muffins!  Hope you get a good laugh this morning.

The couple were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years.

Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched

their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the

wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade. One day

they passed away and went off to Heaven.

They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside.

He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with

a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath.

Their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when St.

Peter said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."

The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

  "Why, nothing," Peter replied, "Remember, this is your reward in Heaven."

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a

championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever-built on

Earth.

"What are the greens fees?", asked the old man. "This is heaven," St. Peter

replied. "You can play for free, every day."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every

imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic

deserts, free flowing beverages. "Don't even ask," said St.Peter to the man.

"This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy." The old man looked around

and glanced nervously at his wife.

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the

decaffeinated tea?" he asked.

"That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much

as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick.  This

is Heaven!"

"No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..." "Never again."

All you do here is enjoy yourself."

The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your stupid bran muffins.

We could have been here ten years ago!"

[Grateful Dad]

"A Good Night's Sleep"

After working most of her life Grandma finally retired. At her next

checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines

that had been prescribed for her.

As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as

realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith,

do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"

Yes, they help me sleep at night. "

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these

that could possibly help you sleep!

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear,I know

that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of

orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks . . . and

believe me, it helps me sleep at night. "