The gauntlet has been dropped.....

[Guest Mark Lennox]

Just to add to the spicyness of the game this weekend, the managing editor of the UCF Future and I have decided to take up a friendly little wager for the game on Saturday.

NO PRESSURE, KNIGHTS, JUST DONT MAKE ME HUG A COW.

by Ashley Burns

The gauntlet has been thrown down and the challenge accepted. Mark Lennox, editor in chief of USF's The Oracle, and I have come to terms on the wager for Saturday's football rivalry debut between the Knights and the Bulls.

If UCF wins, Lennox sports UCF gear and hugs Knightro in front of a photographer. If USF wins, I wear USF gear and hug whatever the heck they call their moo cow. It's probably something like Stupid the Cow. Regardless, I don't want to do it.

As for that disgusting USF shirt I swore to wear all week as means of "reverse mojonation," it has already been torn twice and earned me three death threats from my closest friends, so that idea went down the drain pretty quickly.

I don't have much more to say about Saturday's game because I already said as much as could be said in Monday's column, and mainly because I don't want to upset the college football gods. I'm going to sit back, enjoy setting my fantasy football lineups and await the day that will either make or break the pride of about 25,000 die-hard UCF fans.

I'm not trying to put any pressure on our football team, just merely tossing the thought out there that this game holds our entire season, roughly 99 percent of our fanfare and most of our in-state recruiting in the balance. Again, no pressure, Knights. But as Leslie Nielsen said in Airplane, I just wanted to tell you good luck and we're all counting on you.

In the meantime, here's a tirade full of history's greatest rivalries.

First thing's first. Who in the bloody orange-and-aqua heck do the Miami Dolphins think they are? Fins fans spent all of last season and the entire offseason preparing for the worst this time around because we collectively thought Miami was going to be horrible. Then Gus Frerotte - I shudder at the mere mention of his name - showed up Sunday and slapped Denver like a Jersey Shore prostitute. Are the Dolphins trying to give us all strokes? Miami, please let the hardcore fans know in advance that you plan on being decent this year so we can get our Matt Leinart wet-draft-dreams out of our heads in advance.

With that said, how about them New York Jets? Analysts predicted the Jets to give New England a run for its money in the AFC East this year and Miami to suck the cellar dust as usual. Well, well, well Jets fans. Might I offer you these words of comfort: "They're in the air, they're on the ground, they're always in control..."

Has anyone else noticed lately how skinny Hilary Duff has become? Pop-star perverts like me have known for quite sometime about the 17-year-old's illegal, creepy romance with Good Charlotte's 26-year-old lead singer Joel Madden and especially her feud with Lindsay Lohan. I guess the explanation for the aforementioned tabloid fodder is that Duff had to somehow surpass Lohan's skankitude as well as try to make her backbone more visible. Nice job, Ms. Duff. Ms. Lohan, you're on the clock.

Speaking of feuds and rivalries, I'd like to announce that I have finally settled my long-running and publicly silent feud with rapper The Game. I took offense months ago when the hip-hop star proclaimed in one of his hit songs that he was "rap's MVP." The truth is that I was given that title during a rap-off at my friend's bar mitzvah when I was 12. The Game and I have agreed on a cash settlement and I have retired my title to him. Yes, that story was entirely made up - except for the bar mitzvah thing - and I really need something better to do with my time.

Republicans and Democrats arguing about who is to blame for the slow call to aid for Hurricane Katrina relief in New Orleans is like Churchill and Roosevelt arguing about who let Hitler rise to power in Germany. It doesn't matter now because the worst has already happened. People need to stop arguing and just do whatever needs to get done to help the refugees out. Solve the problem first and then by all means have a blast trying to figure out whether the state or federal governments were wrong.

I left a few items out of my recent column about horrible TV shows. In the long-running rivalry of TV producers and viewers, the viewers have taken another bullet to the eyes in the name of indecency. I don't know why I didn't mention it, but The War At Home is officially the worst piece of non-reality garbage pumped out by Fox since That 80's Show. Does anyone remember when Michael Rappaport had potential? Someone please contact hell and get him another contract with Satan.

Finally, it warrants mention that Saturday's UCF/USF game is going to be nuts and I have that lurking uneasy feeling that there could be a few minor skirmishes. I urge everyone to get behind the Knights and get crazy, but also to remember you can't cheer for your team if you're in jail.

_______________________________________________

Conversely, please don't make me hug the great gazoo/citronaut hiding under that armor.  I'll have nightmares for weeks.  

[mutt]

We shoulda made that pencil-necked geek ride a rodeo bull.     GO BULLS !!!

[sdgukhsdgl]

" I'm not trying to put any pressure on our football team, just merely tossing the thought out there that this game holds our entire season, roughly 99 percent of our fanfare and most of our in-state recruiting in the balance. "

this is why UCF fans need help.....

[___ Eats It]

I think he overestimated the number of "die hard UCF fans" too.  More like 12K, not 25K.

[TripleB]

" I'm not trying to put any pressure on our football team, just merely tossing the thought out there that this game holds our entire season, roughly 99 percent of our fanfare and most of our in-state recruiting in the balance. "

this is why UCF fans need help.....

Ain't that the truth .....

[OracleCamunas]

Mark,

You know and I know he'll barely be watching the game, because he'll be looking for 14-year-olds in the stands, whether they are cheering for USF, UCF or Hilary Duff.

Mike

[South_Tampa_Knight]

I think you are getting him confused with Sheriff.

[OracleCamunas]

Even though they cheer for different teams, at least they have something in common, though I don't know Sheriff.

[Zonald]

lol.  Pretty funny article even for a UCF'er.  Make sure someone posts that picture up here after our win!   ;D

[OracleCamunas]

I'll make sure either picture  Mark or Ashley  gets up here.