HELLO OPERATOR

[BULLO12]

Whether actual or not these are still funnier than hell:

Actual call center conversations!

Customer:    'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through;

                    Can you help?'

Operator:    'Where did you get that number, sir?'

Customer:    'It's on the door of your business.'

Operator:    'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Samsung Electronics

Caller:          'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'

Operator:    'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'

Caller:          'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I 

                    Need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and 

                    Telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the

                    Number for Jack?'

Operator:      'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'

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RAC Motoring Services

Caller:        'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am

                    Traveling in Australia ?'

Operator:    'Does the product name give you a clue?'

--------------------------------------------- -------------------------

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )

'If I register my car in France , and then take it to England , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'

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Directory Enquiries

Caller:  'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'

Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'

Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'

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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator:        'Woven? Are you sure?'

Caller:            'Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland '

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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'

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Tech Support:      'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'

Customer:            'OK.'

Tech Support:      'Did you get a pop-up menu?'

Customer:            'No.'

Tech Support:      'OK . Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'

Customer:            'No.'

Tech Support:      'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this

                            Point?'

Customer:            'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'

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Tech Support:      'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can

                            You see the 'OK' button displayed?'

Customer:            'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'

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Caller:  'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'

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This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.

(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:        'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'

Caller:              'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

Operator:        'What sort of trouble??'

Caller:            'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words

                        Went away.'

Operator:        'Went away?'

Caller:              'They disappeared'

Operator:        'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'

Caller:              'Nothing.'

Operator:        'Nothing??'

Caller:              'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

Operator:        'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'

Caller:              'How do I tell?'

Operator:        'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the S creen?'

Caller:              'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator:        'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'

Caller:              'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I

                        Type.'

Operator:        'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'

Caller:              'What's a monitor?'

Operator:        'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.

                        Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'

Caller:              'I don't know.'

Operator:          'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where

                        The power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

Caller:              'Yes, I think so.'

Operator:        'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's

                        plugged into the wall.

Caller:              'Yes, it is.'

Operator:        'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that

                        there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just

                        one? '

Caller:              'No.'

Operator:          'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and

                        find the other cable.'

Caller:              'Okay, here it is.'

Operator:          'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into

                        the back of your computer.'

Caller:              'I can't reach.'

Operator:          'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'

Caller:              'No.'

Operator:          'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean

                        way over?'

Caller:              'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's

                        because it's dark.'

Operator:          'Dark?'

Caller:              'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is

                        coming in from the window.'

Operator:          'Well, turn on the office light then.'

Caller:              'I can't.'

Operator:          'No? Why not?'

Caller:              'Because there's a power failure.'

Operator:          'A power ... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it 

                        licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and 

                        packing stuff that your computer came in?'

Caller:                'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'

Operator:          'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it 

                        up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to

                          the store you bought it from.'

Caller:                'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator:          'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller:                'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'

Operator:          'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!'

[Velcro]

I've heard that last one too... not sure if it is real, but it is still funny. 

I can't imagine that anyone would be that dumb if they even know what wordperfect is.

[usfbulls2004]

i could believe it, there are some stupid people out in the world.

[Who'sYourData?]

I don't know about that one, but you've heard the stories about "Where is the Any Key?".  The following is a true story as happened to me.

Years ago before PCs, we had dumb terminals.  They would sometimes get "stuck" if the user hit the wrong keys, or there was electrical interference on the line.  We had a few tricks that would sometimes clear things up, other times we had to rewire them or replace the terminal.  One afternoon I get a call that went something like this:

Me:    "I/S, how can I help you?"

Caller: "My screen is frozen"

Me:    "Is the light on the *Hold* key?"

Caller: "No, it's dark.  I checked that."

Me:    "Ok, try pressing <Ctrl><Q>"

Caller: "Still nothing"

Me:    "Hmm.  Hold On"

At this point I pull out some tricks of trade.  I check on the status of the connection, that looks good.  So I send some commands across the line to tell the terminal to clear any current commands.

Me:    "How is it now?"

Caller: "Still frozen"

I'm out of ideas at this point, and rather depressed that I'm going to have to trek two buildings over to take a closer look at the hardware.  Out of desperation, I figure I should walk back through how she got to this point, just in case I can think of something to save a trip.

Me:    "So, your screen is still frozen"

Caller: "Yep"

Me:    "Well, what does it say on your screen right now"

Caller: "It says *Press Enter Key to Continue*"

I pause for a few seconds.  First I'm thinking it couldn't be that easy.  Then I'm thinking, she's going to slap herself on the forehead.  When nothing happens, I go for broke...

Me:    "Just for grins, why don't you try pressing the Enter key?"

Caller: "Hey!  That worked!  Thanks a lot!"

That's why techies get paid the big bucks.