DO YOU FART IN BED?

[BULLO12]

THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN

HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS.

THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT

OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE.

THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD

MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.

EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF

BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND

THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR,

SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.

THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT.

THEN ONE THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING

THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP,

SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND

ALL THE SPARE PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.

SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND

WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK,

SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS

AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS

SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL

TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM

AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM.

THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE

FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE

SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD..

ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS

IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE.

SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATT ER.

HE SAID, "HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT. ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE

WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU".

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" ASKED HIS WIFE.

"WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP

FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED."

BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS.

I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN."