Across my desk

[BULLO12]

I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience.

--- Shelley Winters

We wave palms because Jesus shows us life-saving answers when we feel crushed by problems threatening to overcome us. -Kevin Gray

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with. -Mark Twain

For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. --Ralph Waldo Emerson

Either sick people are the most intelligent people in the world or the dumbest, because the doctors are always giving them tests. --Lawrence

FORBIDDEN FRUITS CREATE MANY JAMS --Neva

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

--Mark Twain

One liners...

There are three kinds of memory - good, bad and convenient.

I have a memory like an elephant - elephants often consult me.

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

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Democracy: Four wolves and a lamb voting on lunch.

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Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

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Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

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Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

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If you jogged backward . . . would you gain weight?

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement  .

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong , you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt .  Amen

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The"

and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs."

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft Today, it's called golf .

Lord,

Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth...AMEN..!!