Grandparents:

[BULLO12]

 

  1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful

      eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After

      she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said,

    "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will

      probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the

      toilet paper good-bye...

 

  2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He

      asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a

      moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

 

  3.  After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into

      old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she

      heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience

      grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into

      their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left

      the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling

      voice,  "Who  was THAT?"

 

  4.  A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own

      childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond I had a swing

      made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our

      pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was

      wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd

      gotten to know you sooner!"

 

  5.  My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you

        know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I

        said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

 

  6.  A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word

        processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he

        asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

 

  7.  I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I

      decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it

      was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I

      continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think

      you should try to figure out some of these, yourself!"

 

  8.  When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the

        lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.

      Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did,

      Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming

      after us with flashlights."

 

  9.  When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm

        not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised, "mine says

        I'm 4 to 6."

 

  10.  A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother,

        "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The

        grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.

        "That's interesting," she said, "how do you make babies?" "It's

        simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

 

  11.  Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said

        a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder

        pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you

        know what pregnant means?" she asked.  "Sure," said the young boy

        confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

 

  12.  A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one

        day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the

        fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the

        dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child. "No,"

        said another. "He's just for good luck."  A third child brought the

        argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the

        fire hydrants."

 

  13.  A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she

          lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then,

          when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

 

  14.  Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things,

          but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

 

  15.  My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over; you hear gas leaks,

          and they blame their dog.