BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT (SFW)

[TyBull]

BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT
>>
>>
>> These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
>>
>> FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
>> 8 years old,
>> Hateful little bastard.
>> Bites!
>>
>>
>> FREE PUPPIES
>> 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
>>
>>
>> FREE PUPPIES.
>> Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
>> Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
>> Must sell washer and dryer £100.
>>
>> WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
>> Worn once by mistake.
>> Call Stephanie.
>>
>> **** And the WINNER is... ****
>>
>> FOR SALE BY OWNER.
>> Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
>> Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married,
>> wife knows everything.
>>
>>
>> Statement of the Century
>> Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly."If
>> women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a
>> headache and sex at the same time?"
>>
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>> Children Are Quick
>> ____________________________________
>>
>> TEACHER: Why are you late?
>> STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
>> ____________________________________
>> TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
>> JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
>> __________________________________________
>> TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
>> GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
>> TEACHER: No, that's wrong
>> GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
>> (I Love this child)
>> ____________________________________________
>> TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
>> DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
>> TEACHER: What are you talking about?
>> DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
>> __________________________________
>> TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
>> have ten years ago.
>> WINNIE: Me!
>> __________________________________________
>> TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
>> GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
>> _______________________________________
>>
>> ______________________________
>> TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
>> tree, but also admitted it.
>> Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
>> LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
>> ______________________________________
>> TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
>> SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
>> ______________________________
>> TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your
>> brother's..
>> Did you copy his?
>> CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
>>
>> (I want to adopt this kid!!!)
>> ___________________________________
>> TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
>> people are no longer interested?
>> HAROLD: A teacher
>> __________________________________
>> PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH
>> Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has
>> been turned
>>
>>
>>
>> off.
>>

[Triple B]

That's some great stuff .... but I don't see any real difference there from American humor except for using £ instead of $.

[Paisa el Toro]

You need to read it in a British accent.

[charsibb]

You need to read it in a British accent.

 

Like this?

 

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

[Paisa el Toro]

 

You need to read it in a British accent.

 

Like this?

 

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

 

If I could hear you reading it, then, yes.