TyBull Posted February 23, 2015 Group: Member Topic Count: 2,696 Content Count: 6,928 Reputation: 127 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/01/2002 Share Posted February 23, 2015 BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT >> >> >> These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: >> >> FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. >> 8 years old, >> Hateful little bastard. >> Bites! >> >> >> FREE PUPPIES >> 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. >> >> >> FREE PUPPIES. >> Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. >> Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. >> >> >> >> >> JOINING NUDIST COLONY! >> Must sell washer and dryer £100. >> >> WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . >> Worn once by mistake. >> Call Stephanie. >> >> **** And the WINNER is... **** >> >> FOR SALE BY OWNER. >> Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. >> Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, >> wife knows everything. >> >> >> Statement of the Century >> Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly."If >> women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a >> headache and sex at the same time?" >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >> Children Are Quick >> ____________________________________ >> >> TEACHER: Why are you late? >> STUDENT: Class started before I got here. >> ____________________________________ >> TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? >> JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. >> __________________________________________ >> TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' >> GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' >> TEACHER: No, that's wrong >> GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. >> (I Love this child) >> ____________________________________________ >> TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? >> DONALD: H I J K L M N O. >> TEACHER: What are you talking about? >> DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. >> __________________________________ >> TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't >> have ten years ago. >> WINNIE: Me! >> __________________________________________ >> TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? >> GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. >> _______________________________________ >> >> ______________________________ >> TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry >> tree, but also admitted it. >> Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? >> LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand..... >> ______________________________________ >> TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? >> SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook. >> ______________________________ >> TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your >> brother's.. >> Did you copy his? >> CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. >> >> (I want to adopt this kid!!!) >> ___________________________________ >> TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when >> people are no longer interested? >> HAROLD: A teacher >> __________________________________ >> PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH >> Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has >> been turned >> >> >> >> off. >> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Triple B Posted February 23, 2015 Group: Moderator Topic Count: 1,610 Content Count: 74,508 Reputation: 10,798 Days Won: 422 Joined: 11/25/2005 Share Posted February 23, 2015 That's some great stuff .... but I don't see any real difference there from American humor except for using £ instead of $. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paisa el Toro Posted February 24, 2015 Group: Member Topic Count: 132 Content Count: 10,380 Reputation: 1,058 Days Won: 18 Joined: 08/11/2003 Share Posted February 24, 2015 You need to read it in a British accent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charsibb Posted February 24, 2015 Group: Member Topic Count: 653 Content Count: 31,049 Reputation: 2,487 Days Won: 172 Joined: 08/30/2011 Share Posted February 24, 2015 You need to read it in a British accent. Like this? "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paisa el Toro Posted February 24, 2015 Group: Member Topic Count: 132 Content Count: 10,380 Reputation: 1,058 Days Won: 18 Joined: 08/11/2003 Share Posted February 24, 2015 You need to read it in a British accent. Like this? "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?" If I could hear you reading it, then, yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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